remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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