I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She needs sedatives and a leash
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
