I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
