butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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