i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
