took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
