Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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