I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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