I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
