"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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