Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
