I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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