he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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