I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
