I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
