I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
