So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
