Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
