its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
