Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
then he tried to convert me to islam
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
