i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
