Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
