I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My liver just had a heart attack.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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