Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
