So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
