check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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