Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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