Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
