And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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