we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
