some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
