dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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