what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
