So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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