Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
