i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
