hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
