dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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