I cannot find my penis.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
