What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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