chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
