Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
