I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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