Christians are straight up FREAKS
one two three fourrrrnication!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
