Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
