Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
