I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
