i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
