well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
