Already got asked if we're dating
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
