Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
