He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have aggressive nipples.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
