She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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