i barfeds in our rink
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
