community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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