i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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