That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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