I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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