I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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