Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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