i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
