Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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