she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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