you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
