she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
