our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
