The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
