need another drink. this is the easiest way
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
