I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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